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2. Inappropriate vs Respectful

Debrief activity and questions

1. Please begin by sharing with each other, or writing down if you are on your own, a few of the messages from the video that stayed with you. What ideas stuck? Which ideas made more sense for you, or somehow struck a chord?

2. Please consider the times when you are most at ease with your colleagues, that is, the times when you feel the most comfortable. While these are times to be acknowledged and appreciated, they are also times when our awareness can be more directed toward ourselves rather than others. As a result of that redirected awareness, we can sometimes miss signals of discomfort from others.

In connection to the memories you are now evoking about these “at ease” times, relook at your behaviour, and the behaviour of others. Notice any potential discomfort or offence in others. Were there comments, from you or others, that may have been hurtful or uncomfortable? Carefully review those conversations and recall them as honestly and as vulnerably as possible.

Jot down your reflections.

3. Draw a horizontal line along a page and write inappropriate down one end and respectful at the other. Put a mark on that line where you think you might be experienced by your team.

Now, please imagine you a were to ask a team member how you could be experienced as more respectful. If this team member were to speak bravely, AND honestly, what might they suggest to you?

Write that down now.

What action should you take given those reflections?

4. Reflect now for a moment on your own team or group. What subgroups exist in that collective? Are their newcomers and old-timers? Perhaps there are other subgroups around education, relationship with others more senior, preferences around humour, or professional background? Of-course not all subgroups are bad or should necessarily be discouraged.

The question here is how those subgroups might be subtlety, or unconsciously directing your behaviour as the team leader or team member.

For instance, notice which subgroups you might feel more comfortable with, and those with whom you might be less comfortable. Consider how that comfort and/or discomfort might be revealed in your behaviour. How might you behave differently with the different groups?

Finally, in relation to your own behaviour in connection to these subgroups, and especially if you are the manager, how might those in the subgroups you are less comfortable with interpret your behaviour? Alternatively, how might those in the subgroups you are more comfortable with interpret your behaviour? What various conclusions might each group make? Are those conclusions helpful?

Jot down your reflections, and any intention to action based on those reflections.

5. Please think about the exercise I described at the conclusion of this video. Draw the three zones and allocate various people in your team, or those you work with more broadly. You will recall one zone is for those you find comfy, one for neutral and one for prickly. Map each person on the page in their appropriate zone.

Then, ask, how might your behaviour might change depending on if that person is in your prickly, neutral, or comfy zone.

Consider if your changed behaviour is reducing your effectiveness. Are there people you might be avoiding who you need to spend time with, or are there people you give an inappropriate amount of attention? In that context, reflect now on what action you might need to take to be more respectful (and less inappropriate), and therefore lead more effectively.

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